just a little escape

tharook:

sexanax:

it really be light outside until 7pm now, goodbye seasonal depression u dumb bitch

hello regular depression

(via callipoex)

stimman3000:

.

(via rainbowcasoup)

komaedalovemail:

Perhaps i will drink my sorrows away.. *opens up capri sun*

(via augustholland)

tmcphotography:

(via planetqueeen)

left-reminders:

(via rosebramblewolf)

marvel-lous-things:

myslightobsessions:

(via theravensdreamer)

purple-apricots:

jehovahhthickness:

Why is this so funny

(via theravensdreamer)

lvdeo:

cryoverkiltmilk:

epicwalrus:

followmetoyourdoom:

xenosaurus:

i-hate-vegans:

nbcnightlynews:

WATCH: The Oregon Zoo in Portland was closed to the public today due to heavy snow – but the zoo’s residents had a blast.

Oh my GODD THE POLAR BEAR GOT SOME SNOW HE MUST FEEL SO REFRESHED

relatable seals at the end there

“Hey Joe! Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe look!!! It’s snow!”

I need more of this shit!

Those happy elephant sounds cleared my skin and watered my crops.

The polar bear “hell nahhhh. This ain’t that fake shit ! THIS AINT THAT FAKE SHIT. THIS THAT REAL SHIT!!!”

(via theravensdreamer)

thevoidiliketoshoutinto:

(via star-spangled-jackass)

dragon-in-a-fez:

darklordtomarry:

ronaldswheezy:

sp00kylexa:

harry can’t duel

harry can’t duel

harry cannot duel

he only uses expelliarmus and he cannot duel

even if he’s dueling the FUCKING DARK LORD

Imagine the conversation ministry officials must be having when they see his auror application:

“He’s Harry Potter!”

“I know but that doesn’t change the fact-”

“Harry! Freaking! Potter!”

“We still need him to attend extra duelling lessons-”

“We can’t put Harry Potter in extra duelling lessons!”

“He only ever uses one spell-”

“Yeah, but he’s really good at it.”

I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who had practiced one kick 10,000 times. - Bruce Lee

Harry Potter, the boy who dared to ask, “why study all these other spells if I can get really good at yeeting everyone’s wands out of their hands”

(via laora-ryn)

kawaiigod:

if i get rich my mom gettin paid first thing

(via abignameindeepspace)

phalloid-destroyer:

old-school-butch:

dare-to-dm:

themadcapmathematician:

tockthewatchdog:

tockthewatchdog:

i love that i have to go to menswear to find a shirt a human being in the world would wear and then when i do it takes me .5 seconds to find it. I love that

me: i need a plain black t shirt

target women’s section: would you like to have a giant scoop neck that would definitely like completely show at least one of your boobs. would you, an adult woman, like to wear a crop top? would you like to look like a human piñata. BLACK? I think you mean jewel tones babey!

target men’s section: yeah sure. it’s the first thing you see as you walk into the shirt aisle. have a good one

Women’s section: would you like a shirt made out of tissue paper that costs $34.99??

Men’s section: here’s 25 normal tshirts for a quarter

Women’s Section: Would you like to play fucking guessing games with our arbitrary sizing systems and style names?  Also, we added a bunch of fake pockets for your personal inconvenience!

Men’s Section: Here’s a bunch of pants organized by the exact inch length of your waist and legs.  With pockets that can hold more than just a credit card.

Women’s Section: The fashion cycle is so fast that we just drop clothes from our rooftop factory into a giant garbage truck stationed below the floor and truck it to landfills. This hour’s fashion is called “Sexy Clown.” Just grab something as it goes by!

Men’s Section: Today we are celebrating the 145th edition of our classic jeans line, in the timeless style from 1873 when they were called ‘waist overalls.’

women’s section: Hey here we have “shirts” made of 2 strands of hay and are 5cm long, with origami cuts that show your almost entire chest and don’t cover your torso at all. Your arm may fit in it, because you won’t. Don’t like it? we have it in BRIGHT GREEN and with fake jewelry!

men’s section: Yeah the shirt you’re looking for is here and DOES cover your entire torso, no it doesn’t have cuts, no it doesn’t cost 50

(via star-spangled-jackass)

haz31nut:

hulkkink:

albatchy:

bisexyrogers:

sam and t'challa strolling around nyc and sam pointing to every stray cat and asking t'challa “do you know him?”

T'challa pointing to every single bird and asking Sam “are you related?”

sam and scott walking around nyc, sam points to an ant and asks “do you know this one?” and scott replies “yes actually. that’s antwanette.”

Scott pounding furiously on Peter’s door in the middle of the night because a spider ate Antwanette

(via vaguelyprolific)

alexalexalexalex:

meladoodle:

my friend angella was doing a comedy gig, and as soon as she came out a guy shouted ‘can i give you my number?’ and all the crowd groaned cause it was so inappropriate but angella was like ‘yeah sure’. the guy started shouting out his number and she started entering it into her phone. the whole crowd was like woaaah. she got the whole number and then dialled it and it rang. everyone lost their shit. finally the guy answered and angella just said “hello? shut the fuck up” and it was the most incredible thing i’ve ever seen 

So some of these details are probably wrong, it happened a long time ago so I don’t remember the specifics leading up, but it was incredible.

A friend of mine who does stand up was doing his bit at open mic one night, and a guy was heckling him. Just being a total asshole, and then his phone rang and he started talking loudly on his phone about how he’s at open mic and this guy isn’t funny, etc. Now the weird thing about hecklers is that they just want to be a part of something most of the time, so my friend said, “hey man, what’s your name? Can I see your phone for a second?”

The guy actually handed over his phone, and my friend hung up, and scrolled through his contact list until he found the person he was looking for. He hit dial, and starts.

“Hello? Is this [Name’s] mom? Great! It’s very nice to talk to you. I’m a comedian in the middle of my standup routine, and your son is being very rude, [lists off some of the things her son said]…. hold on, can I get you to repeat that?”

He takes the phone away, puts it in speakerphone and holds it up to the mic.

“I said, I’m sorry my son is being such an asshole.”

Everyone lost it. Fuckin’ destroyed by his own mother. My friend said it was one of his proudest moments ever.

(via marymarykontrary)

politeq:

voxeterna1:

So ,I’m a music teacher and every year we have what are called “walk through observations”. Basically, this means that 4 times a year the principal or vice principal comes into my class to assess my teaching. Fine. Sure. No problem.
Well, today I was doing an activity with my 1st graders called “Musical Groceries”. Basically, they make up a fake shopping list and then together we figure out what the rhythm of the words on the list is. To do that, a small group of students plays the beat on the conga drum while the rest of the students move around the room while chanting the word. It sounds weird but it’s a great way for the kids to figure out the relationship between syllables and rhythm.
They quickly get bored of walking the rhythm so I let them come up with their own ways of moving around the room.( skipping, hopping, etc) One student suggested they hop around the room like frogs, way down low to the ground. Okay fine.
Or it was fine until my vice principal walked in to do my observation only to find 20 seven year olds hopping around the room like a hoard of little hob-goblins, rhythmically chanting “BREAD! BREAD! BREAD!” while five other kids played ominous beats in a drum circle.
I have never seen anyone look so confused in my life and I really don’t want to know the rating I got on my observation.

this is the only non fake text post on tumblr

(via marymarykontrary)